You've been doing very well at keeping me busy with all sorts of offline activities, so I haven't written in a while.
With the New Year already off to a flying start I thought I'd review before our anniversary weekend dissolves into a distant memory I'd review our time at Paperbark Camp Jervis Bay.
Winding down the dirt track through the bush I already felt like we were a world away. Pulling up at reception the friendly staff got us off on the right track. Hopping in the little golf buggy we were whisked away to our Deluxe tent - the Echidna - so very apt as you are all too aware of my affection for the spiky ball of cuteness. I do always like that when I arrive somewhere that the rooms really do look as good as they do in the advertising photos.
Our tent was lovely. A verandah at the front (no rocking chair but a lovely day bed), two other chairs and a little table. Inside was a queen bed draped in a mosquito net and behind it a walk in robe. A screen door lead out to the beautiful indoor/outdoor bathroom complete with a claw foot bath (which admittedly on tank water is probably more form over function).
As it was approaching dusk we decided to unwind on the little pontoon on the river (just a few steps from our tent) with a glass of wine and some cheese (how very civilised). It was a shame then that the mosquitoes didn't get the memo about the civilised pre-dinner affair. I have never seen mosquitoes that big or ferocious than the ones at Paperbark. Admittedly, it was dusk, we were near the river, there was no wind and it had been raining. But still, I'm a little baffled by the fact that the camp is built on an area that is, for want of a better way of describing it, a mangrove swamp. In keeping with the eco theme the camp did offer natural mosquito repellent in every room. We now know that we'll be bringing the real deal if we go back!
Since we didn't want to eat in the restaurant for both nights we drove into Huskisson. It's a lovely little town with quite a few very good dining options. We were disappointed that we couldn't get a table at The Weedy Sea Dragon, but were particularly satisfied by our meal at Stonegrill.
Stonegrill, despite its less than average, very masculine decor (seriously why is there a need for two flat screen TVs on the walls with John Farnham reruns playing at a restaurant) the food was great. I had the marinated chicken, you had the rib eye and I am now a big fan of the stone grill experience.
Back at Paperbark camp, after I disengaged my city-slicker brain and acknowledged that the noises outside were probably not home-invaders of the human, nasty kind but rather furrier and friendlier Kangaroos, I slipped blissfully into sleep.
Our first full day started with a walk through one of the marked out tracks. Much to my disbelief the mosquitoes were up at 6am too and very much looking for their breakfast. While we had slopped on more natural insect repellent than was probably healthy, there were still a few bloodsuckers who found us quite appealing. The track was short and (surprisingly) through the mangroves but nonetheless still quite enjoyable.
After the walk it was time for breakfast. There's nothing like being spoilt for choice and good coffee to put me in a good mood. A full continental buffet with homemade toasted muesli, Cinnamon poached fruit, stewed rhubarb, beautifully creamy yoghurt, fresh fruit and more was splayed out in front of us. Then with the arrival of our flat whites (this is my favourite part of Glamping I think), we were asked what we were choosing for our cooked breakfast (whoops should have gone easier on the fruit and muesli) and we both chose the Chef's special (I had read about him you see in my trusty foodie handbook).
Chef - you have earned your SMH good food guide points indeed! Scrambled eggs, blue cheese and toasted hazelnuts is not a combination that I've had before but it was divine!
Rolling out of the restaurant I was one happy Glamper!
Thank you for organising the picnic hamper! It far exceeded both our expectations I think. We had freshly baked (and still warm) coconut and chocolate muffins, smoked trout and cherry tomato frittatas, two huge poached chicken, salad and pistachio mayonnaise sandwiches, and just in case we were still going to be hungry, roasted spiced nuts and chocolate chip cookies. To wash it down was a thermos of ice cold apple juice. It was all packed in a big bag with a picnic blanket.
Included in our tariff was use of the Paperbark camp's very new canoes. Thank goodness you agreed to take out the two person canoe! I don't think I would have been quite as happy at the end of our 12 km round trip!
Kayaking down to the mouth of Huskisson was a really lovely trip. Hardly anyone else on the river and lots of jumping fish and stingrays. Despite going against the tide both ways (doh) it was a lovely paddle. Stopping in at the little river beaches to eat our way through our hamper was perfect. On making it down to Huskisson, the water was amazing. Just enough time to polish off our sandwiches and go for a swim before paddling back. It would be remiss of me not to capture in words (because we weren't quick enough to capture it on film) the giant manta ray like creature we saw on the way back. I will always count that as one of the most stunning animals I've seen.
That day we had to change tents (for no other reason than by the time we confirmed the booking this was the only option left). It was quite beneficial though because we got to see both accommodation options. The standard tent has a smaller balcony, no bath and a different bedroom layout (with no mosquito net over the bed). Still it was very comfortable.
You took a nap after paddling for, well let's face it, the two of us most of the way! I on the other hand can't sleep during the day and read my mag.
That's when it started. The bogans (as we not-so-affectionately termed them) were a young couple in a tent nearby. Clearly they did not have an appreciation for how sound travels in the bush (and when your only walls are canvas).
"Woz, Woz what do you reckon is so good about showering outdoor naked?" she asks in her piercing, nasal drawl. Great. Not only can I hear everything I now have the mental images to go with it. "Do you reckon it's the same as swimming in the nude?" Oh it just gets better and better. Woz through all this is relatively silent. Until...
A jolly Kookaburra starts his song. Woz, God love him, decides to do his best at communicating with our feathered friend. "Kaaakaakaakakakakaka" Woz sings. Perfect. So not only do I have the girl bogan pondering the pleasures of public nudity, but now I have her (obviously well matched) mate doing his best to mimic a Kookaburra. AND through all of this you're sleeping you lucky thing!
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse I hear a rather excited "Woz, are you ready Woz? Are you ready?". Oh God. A bogan mating call. This is not the kind of mating call that I expected to hear on our Glamping holiday. I blocked my ears and prayed that it was over quickly.
Whilst waiting for the bogan wildlife show to be over I felt like I was transported from the Australian bush to the plains of Africa when I heard a Hyena laughing it's way up the path in front of our tent. Oh no. I stand corrected. It was just yet another bogan couple performing their own mating ritual - male puffs up his feathers, tells awkwardly funny joke; female responds with a high pitched squeal of delight and much arm grabbing.
I feel like I'm in a David Attenborough documentary of some feral bogan species.
The Hyena and her mate had made their way to their tent and had quietened down (one can only imagine what that means). The first bogan couple had seemingly finished their copulation process and had now started a strange post-coital ritual. Woz, in his best bush-appreciating wisdom, had bought his handheld computer consol with him. Awesome. Onya Woz.
*Ping* *Ping Ping Ping* sounds echoed through the bush, closely followed by a rather puzzling duet between the bogan man and woman "One thousand" "Two thousand" "Three thousand" "Four thousand" "SOLD!!!" What were they doing? Auctioning off how many seconds they had before I hurled something at their tent!?
By the third time this duet had been performed you too were awake my little Fisherman. We both concluded that despite the killer mosquitoes, now would be a great time to go down to the pontoon by the river again.
We'd booked in for dinner that night and if breakfast and the hamper were anything to go by it was bound to be great! We did have to wait for our table for a very very long time (longer than the wait at Longrain and that's saying something) but I was fairly relaxed about things (note the fairly). When our food arrived all my stress melted away. The fish was absolutely brilliant - perfectly cooked with a beautifully seasoned crispy skin. I'm going to assume here that by the lack of food on your plate at the end that you enjoyed yours immensely. We shared the chocolate dessert and boy was it good!
This is getting to be a rather long post! If you've gotten this far in one sitting (get back to work!) you've done very well!
As we neared our tent after dinner we heard a rustling. Oh no. They did warn us about the possums didn't they. We shined our torch toward our tent and we saw the biggest, fattest possum munching on the chocolate dipped strawberries I made you. Yes yes. It's our fault for having such tasty morsels in our lodging. We lured the possum out with another strawberry and thought we had succeeded. How wrong were we!? All of a few seconds later (about the time it takes a possum to demolish a perfectly ripe and juicy strawberry) and he's back for more.
Lulled into a false sense of security from our night in the robust Deluxe tent, we started getting ready for bed. The next thing we know our possum has outsmarted the Standard tent's back door. These tents are, mind you, brand spanking new from South Africa (bet they don't have possums in South Africa).
Sacrificing yet another strawberry we lured him out for the second time. In our infinite wisdom we thought at this stage it would be wise to throw away the strawberries. Most went sailing off into the bush in front but I will be honest and admit that there may have been one little strawberry pitched toward the bogan couples' tent ;)
We barricaded the door with our suitcase and you took off to see the camp manager - maybe he had some tricks up his sleeve. You got about 10 metres when I was sitting on the bed and yelled for you to come back. The possum had outsmarted us again, popping his little head up over the suitcase!
The camp manager came with a knife and we cut out the rod at the bottom of the door so that the velcro would adhere more. We replaced the suitcase but again, the sneaky possum popped his head up over it like a Meercat and invited himself in again. This was getting ridiculous and we had no more strawberries!! We eventually got him out, put as much against the door as we could and went to bed. You, being you, fell asleep straight away. I on the other hand, listened to the possum try every way possible to get in until about 3am when he gave up.
That morning at breakfast (the Chef was on fire again with his Chorizo special), we were talking to the camp manager about how we slept and the noisy bogan couple species piped up and said "Oh did yous have a possum in your tent too? We dunno why he came into ours 'cause we had no food innit." Well little bogan ferals, actually you did have food. One beautiful hand-dipped chocolate strawberry.
After checking out we decided to go for a bushwalk. I'll skip over the part about losing my puffer, getting particularly snarly and having to drive back to Huskisson to get another one. Once we started walking we followed the Steamers beach track. We came across an amazing billabong and then continued onto Whiting Beach. When there's only two other people on a beach with water that is so clear and so blue you have to stop and think how lucky we are. As the water was a little chilly at Whiting (but oh so worth it to swim in) we went to hole in the wall for a last dip before leaving for home.
It's not often that you'll hear this ;) but you were right. It's all or nothing. Glam or Camping and nothing in between. I wouldn't stay at Paperbark Camp again. The no-so-native wildlife highlighted a fatal flaw in the camp's design - based on the fact that sound travels through the bush, the tents are just too close together. I believe they should be designed so that you cannot see or more particularly hear anyone else. The only thing that saved our experience at Paperbark Camp, and for which we will return for brekky, dinner or to get another one of those amazing picnic hampers is the Gunyah restaurant. You are the shining jewel in a gold plated crown.
